November 2006

“Can’t died in the poorhouse.” I can’t tell you how many times my mom said that to me growing up. I never really have let the principle of that message sink in until recently. Over the past two months God has been taking me into one of the hardest life-lessons yet. It isn’t about having our Uhaul stolen, it’s not dealing with being over 2000 miles away from all family, it’s not dealing with me not having an “official” job yet, all of those things can be dealt with. God has been forcing me to see that in him, all things are possible.
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And that not only means I need to trust him, but that I need to stop discounting what he can do through me. I never realized how much I tell myself I can’t do something until the last couple of months. I never realized how many walls I put up in my life to keep me from really going for it, so I can stay safely where life is lived in my own power.
So, I am learning to stop saying “can’t” in my inner voice, and it is really hard. Take some time for reflection and look at the last couple of months and see if you can identify the times you have told yourself that you couldn’t do something. You will be surprised, I think, at how much negative self talk we all subject ourselves to every day.
Jesus believed in us. He believed in us so much that he told us that as we united we would do greater things for the world. He truly knows us in our broken condition, but he stills believes in us. He still loves us and has sent his Holy Spirit to unite and equip us to do God-sized things.
There is a big difference from having self talk that is under the full realization of our dependence on God vs the voice that tells us we can’t do things. Knowing you depend upon God for every move, every breath, every big thing is incredibly freeing! It is no longer an issue as to whether you can do it, but whether you can be faithful that God will show up. It is no longer about you having control or the power, it is having your heart in the right place so God’s power can flow through you. It is no longer about whether you can or can’t; because God CAN - EVERY time.
I believe what my mom said now. If I discount myself and spend more time mentally convincing myself that I can’t do certain things, my life will be poor. Poor in spirit because I let my self-centeredness turn me into a coward. Poor in heart because I have let fear grip me and paralyze. Poor in mind because I never pushed my own limits based on stereotypes and mis-informed assumptions of myself. Poor in faith because I never trusted God with anything I couldn’t just do in my own power.